Self-Regulating Your Nervous System 

Living through trauma can change the way your nervous system responds to the world. Experiences such as childhood trauma, domestic abuse, or growing up in a dysfunctional family often leave the body on high alert long after the danger has passed. Even when life looks stable on the outside, inside you may feel anxious, exhausted, numb, or overwhelmed. 

Self-regulating your nervous system is not about forcing yourself to calm down or think positively. It is about learning how to work with your body rather than against it. When you understand what is happening beneath the surface, you can begin to respond to yourself with more compassion and care. 

What a dysregulated nervous system looks like 

A dysregulated nervous system means your body is frequently stuck in survival mode.  

Instead of moving smoothly between states of alertness and rest, it gets trapped in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This is especially common for people who have lived with ongoing stress or trauma. 

You might notice this shows up in different ways, including: 

• Feeling constantly on edge or unable to relax, even when things are going well 
• Sudden bursts of anger, panic, or tears that feel out of proportion 
• Emotional numbness or feeling disconnected from yourself and others 
• Trouble sleeping, chronic fatigue, or brain fog 
• Digestive issues, headaches, muscle tension, or unexplained aches and pains 

These reactions are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are signs that your nervous system learned to protect you in difficult circumstances.  

Self-regulating your nervous system begins with recognising these patterns without judgement. 

Why nervous system dysregulation happens 

When you’ve lived or grown up in an environment that feels unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally neglectful, your nervous system adapts to survive. It learns to scan for danger, to stay prepared, or to shut down feelings that feel too much. 

Domestic abuse, childhood trauma, and dysfunctional family dynamics often involve repeated breaches of safety or trust.  

Over time, the body learns that it cannot fully switch off. Even years later, everyday stress like conflict, criticism, or feeling ignored can trigger the same survival responses. 

This is why self-regulating your nervous system is not simply a mindset issue. You cannot think your way out of patterns that were wired through lived experience. Regulation happens through the body first, then the mind follows. 

How trauma affects regulation 

Trauma fragments the connection between the body and the present moment.  

Parts of you may still be responding as if the threat is happening now. This can make you feel confused, ashamed, or frustrated with yourself. 

Learning to self-regulate your nervous system involves gently bringing the body back into the here and now. It is about rebuilding a sense of internal safety.  

This process takes time and practice, especially if you were never shown how to feel safe in your body. 

Practical ways to help yourself 

There is no single technique that works for everyone, but small, consistent practices can make a meaningful difference.  

Self-regulating your nervous system is about building a toolkit you can draw from depending on what you need in that moment. 

One helpful framework is the FLARE technique: 

F – focus on what is happening in your body right now 

L – label the sensations or emotions without analysing them 

A – allow the experience to be there without pushing it away 

R – regulate using a grounding or soothing strategy 

E – engage with the present moment once your body has settled 

This approach helps you stay connected to yourself rather than becoming overwhelmed or detached.  

With time and practice, it teaches your nervous system that feelings can rise and fall safely. 

Other supportive practices include: 

• Slow, steady breathing that emphasises a longer out breath 
• Gentle movement such as walking, stretching, or swimming 
• Grounding through the senses, for example noticing five things you can see 
• Creating predictable routines that signal safety to the body 
• Reducing self-criticism and replacing it with curiosity 

Self-regulating your nervous system does not mean you will never feel triggered again. But you will become better able to notice what is happening and support yourself through it. 

Why self-regulation can feel hard 

If you have lived through trauma, calm can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe.  

Your nervous system may associate relaxation with vulnerability. This can lead to restlessness, guilt, or discomfort when things slow down. 

This is a normal response. Self-regulating your nervous system often brings up resistance at first.  

Working gently, and sometimes with professional support, helps the body learn that safety can exist without constant vigilance. 

How counselling can help 

Therapy provides a safe space where regulation can be practised with support.  

Experienced in trauma, I understand that your reactions make sense in the context of what you have lived through. 

Through psychotherapeutic counselling, we can explore triggers, practise grounding, and build tolerance for emotions at a pace that feels manageable.  

Over time, this can lead to feeling more settled, more connected, and more in control of your responses. 

If you are finding daily life exhausting or overwhelming, and want some help to understand your trauma responses, I invite you to book a counselling session today.