Getting Over a Crappy Childhood
It’s a sad reality that not everyone experiences a warm and nurturing childhood, and that a crappy childhood can leave deep and lasting scars.
As a psychotherapeutic counsellor, I’ve seen firsthand how difficult it can be for people to move on from a challenging start in life. However, healing is possible.
This article aims to offer guidance and hope for those who are ready to take the steps toward overcoming their past and building a healthier, happier future.
Acknowledge your past
The first step in getting over a crappy childhood is acknowledging that it happened.
It’s tempting to minimise or dismiss your experiences, especially if you’ve grown up hearing phrases like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or, “Other people had it worse.” However, your pain is valid, and recognising it is crucial for healing.
You might have even disagreed with siblings about your childhood. Maybe they made you feel like you were imagining it and that everything was better than it was.
Renowned trauma specialist and author, Gabor Maté, talks in this video about how siblings never experience the same parenting, even with the same parents.
When referring to a “crappy childhood”, we could be talking:
- neglect
- abuse (physical, psychological, sexual etc)
- parents who were misusing substances
- emotionally distant parents
- homelessness or insecure housing
- poverty and destitution
If you grew up with neglectful parents who were too wrapped up in their own issues to care for you properly, your childhood was far from ideal. Even if there was no overt abuse, the absence of emotional support and stability can have profound effects on your development.
Acknowledging this allows you to start processing what happened and how it has affected you.
Understanding the impact of a crappy childhood
A crappy childhood doesn’t just affect your early years – it can have a ripple effect throughout your entire life.
Many adults who experienced neglect or emotional distance from their parents struggle with issues such as low self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, and challenges in forming healthy relationships. You might find yourself constantly seeking approval or fearing abandonment, which are common reactions to the insecurity and instability you experienced growing up.
It’s also not uncommon to feel a lingering sense of anger or resentment towards your parents or guardians. These feelings can be complicated, especially if you’re trying to maintain some form of relationship with them in adulthood.
You might also find yourself experiencing domestic abuse relationships, over and over again, unwittingly stuck in a cycle of abuse.
Understanding the impact of your upbringing is a key part of learning how to move forward more positively.
Healing the wounds
Healing from a crappy childhood is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. However, several strategies can help you begin the process.
Establish boundaries
If your relationship with your parents is still strained, setting clear boundaries can be a necessary step. This might mean limiting contact, or it could involve having honest conversations about what you will and won’t tolerate.
Boundaries are about protecting your mental and emotional wellbeing, which is paramount in your healing journey.
Practice self-compassion
It’s easy to be hard on yourself, especially if you’ve internalised negative messages from your upbringing.
Practice being kind to yourself. Remember that your crappy childhood wasn’t your fault, and the struggles you’re facing now are not a sign of weakness but a testament to your resilience.
Seek professional support
Psychotherapeutic counselling can be incredibly beneficial. As a trained professional, I can help you unpack your childhood experiences and understand how they’ve shaped your present, and help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Therapy provides a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment, which is often essential for healing.
Build a supportive network
Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and your wellbeing. Whether it’s friends, a partner, or a support group, having a network of supportive individuals can make a world of difference.
These are the people who can help you rewrite the narrative of your life, offering the love and stability you may not have received as a child.
Rewriting your story
One of the most empowering aspects of healing from a crappy childhood is realising that you have the power to rewrite your story.
You’re not doomed to repeat the patterns of your past. You can learn new ways of thinking, relating, and living with effort and support.
Consider journalling as a tool for this process. Writing about your experiences, feelings, and aspirations can help you gain clarity and perspective. You might also want to explore creative outlets like art, music, or movement, which can provide a different way of processing your emotions.
Letting go to move forward
Letting go of a crappy childhood doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing what happened. Rather, it’s about freeing yourself from the grip that the past has on you.
This can be one of the hardest parts of the healing process, but it’s also one of the most liberating.
Forgiveness plays a role here, but it’s important to approach it on your own terms. Sometimes, forgiveness is less about the other person and more about giving yourself permission to move on.
Embracing the future
Healing from a crappy childhood is a long journey, but it leads to a future full of possibility.
As you work through your past, you’ll start seeing the world – and yourself – in a new light. You’ll begin to realise that your upbringing does not define you, but by the choices you make now.
It’s possible to build a life filled with love, joy, and fulfilment, even if your start was rocky. Remember, it’s never too late to invest in yourself and your happiness.
By taking steps to heal, you’re not just getting over a crappy childhood, you’re paving the way for a brighter future.
To enquire about counselling sessions with me, please get in touch.