How Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Can Impact Your Life

Many of the struggles we carry into adulthood have roots that stretch much further back than we realise. Adverse childhood experiences, often shortened to ACEs, are potentially traumatic events that happen before the age of eighteen. These might include abuse, neglect, domestic violence in the home or growing up with a parent who struggled with mental illness or substance misuse.

Research suggests that almost half of the adult population in England has experienced at least one ACE, while around one in ten has experienced four or more. This means that unresolved childhood trauma is far more common than many people assume, and it plays a significant role in how we experience life, relationships, and our own sense of self as adults.

What are adverse childhood experiences?

The concept of ACEs comes from research that began in the United States in the 1990s, which found a clear link between childhood adversity and long term health outcomes. 

The 10 Adverse Childhood Experiences which appear on the official ACE Quiz include:

• Physical abuse
• Emotional abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Physical neglect
• Emotional neglect
• Parents divorced or separated
• Domestic violence in the home
• Parent or caregiver addicted to drugs or alcohol
• Parent or caregiver depressed or mentally ill
• Household member imprisoned 

The more of these experiences a child faces, the greater the potential impact on their development, particularly on the nervous system, sense of safety, and ability to form secure attachments.

A powerful illustration of this comes from the Compassion Prison Project, an American organisation working with men and women in prison across the US and other parts of the world. Their short film, Step Inside the Circle, shows a group of men stepping forward into a circle each time an ACE is read aloud that they experienced as a child. By the end, almost everyone is standing in the centre. It demonstrates how childhood adversity shapes people far more than we tend to acknowledge, and that behind difficult adult behaviour there is often a traumatised child who was never given the support they needed.  

How unresolved trauma shows up in adulthood

When childhood trauma is not processed or supported at the time, it does not simply disappear. It tends to settle into the body and mind, showing up later in ways that can feel confusing or disconnected from their original cause.

Common adult struggles linked to unresolved ACEs include:

• Chronic stress
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Isolation
• Low self-worth
• Feeling unlovable
• Difficulty trusting others
• Struggling to nurture or be nurtured

Someone who grew up in an unpredictable or frightening environment may find their nervous system remains on high alert well into adulthood, even when there is no immediate danger present. This can look like chronic stress or anxiety that seems to have no obvious cause. Others may withdraw from relationships altogether, having learned early on that closeness was unsafe or unreliable.

Feeling unlovable is another pattern that often traces back to childhood. A child who was neglected or criticised may grow into an adult who struggles to believe they deserve love or care, even when it is being offered to them. This can affect friendships, romantic relationships, and parenting, sometimes making it hard to be nurturing towards others when nurturing was never modelled or received.

Depression can also develop as a longer term response to unresolved grief, shame, or helplessness that began in childhood. Without support, these feelings can persist for years, quietly shaping decisions and relationships without a person fully understanding why.

These difficult emotions can lead to risk-taking and self-sabotaging behaviours, impacting all areas of life including employment and engaging in society in a meaningful way.   

The NHS and trauma-informed care

There is growing recognition within the NHS and wider health and social care services of the link between adverse childhood experiences and physical as well as mental health. Research has found that ACEs are associated with an increased risk of conditions including heart disease, diabetes, and certain cancers, alongside higher rates of depression and anxiety. 

In response, many NHS services are adopting a trauma-informed approach. This means recognising the signs of trauma, understanding that certain behaviours may be protective responses, and avoiding practices that risk re-traumatising people who have already been through difficult experiences.

This shift reflects something important. It moves away from asking “what is wrong with you” and towards asking “what happened to you”. That distinction can make a real difference to how people are supported, both physically and emotionally.

There is hope for change

If any of this feels familiar, please know that unresolved childhood trauma does not have to define the rest of your life. The nervous system is capable of learning new patterns, and with the right support, it is possible to build a genuine sense of safety, connection, and self-worth as an adult.

Counselling offers a space to explore where these patterns came from and to begin processing experiences that may never have been fully acknowledged before. In my practice, I use psychotherapeutic counselling alongside sandplay therapy and dog-assisted sessions, all of which can help create a gentle, non-judgemental environment for this kind of work, particularly when words to explain what happened to you feel difficult to find.

Healing from childhood trauma is rarely quick, but it is absolutely possible. Many people go on to build the trusting relationships, self-compassion, and sense of stability that felt out of reach for so long.

If you recognise yourself in what you have read here, please book a counselling session with me today to take that first step.